Yes, I am back with one more topic that people usually brush under the carpet. But that is what DiaryOfAnInsaneWriter is about – addressing issues that make others uncomfortable. The fact remains that such issues need to be addressed. Here are some ways on how you can spot toxic friends and remove them from your life.
Who is a toxic friend?
A toxic friend is one who will behave as though they are your best friend and then conveniently stab you in the back. Toxic people inject themselves into your life in a way that you will never notice. Slowly they poison you and before you know it, you are left feeling negative, hurt, and sad.
You may wonder why I keep using the word friend along with the term ‘toxic’. Well, this category of people professes their love, adulation, and friendship at every opportunity they get.
If your thoughts are centered on how to deal with toxic friendships and how to deal with toxic friends. This blog post will help you.
How to tell if a friend is toxic?
They will manipulate every situation and every person around you to believe that you are besties. Their specialty lies in the fact that they can create a huge wall around you so that other people cannot reach you.
They will spread lies and stories about you, stuff which you will realize much later and regret having that person in your life.
They will believe any lies spread by others about you and even take part in the charade willingly.
Most importantly, a toxic friend will always maintain a sweet front face and never ever confront you.
When their farce is out in the public, be ready for cold vibes from them and a blame game.
Don’t be surprised if they push their negative feelings on you and make it sound as if it’s your fault.
Toxic friends are driven by deep insecurity and scathing jealousy
On the face, a toxic friend will always appreciate your success and milestones. But secretly, they loathe you for your success and goodwill. This scathing jealousy teams up with their own deep insecurities and creates a dangerous mocktail of toxicity in their brains. As a result, you will see yourself entangled in a web where you are the accused and victim. The only difference will be that everyone will see you as an accused only. No one will see you as a victim.
Just as a plant thrives with proper air, water, and soil, a toxic person feeds their insecurities with gossip, politics, and negativity. The chaos allows them to breathe and blossom. In fact, if you take this away from them, you will rob them of their very purpose in life. Their existence is threatened if you confront them or even threaten to expose their lies.
How to remove a toxic person from your life?
How we wish the Ctrl+Alt+Del button existed in real life too so that one could remove a toxic person from their life and forget about that person’s existence. But the fact of the matter is, its tough to throw out a person from your life completely.
When you realize a person has been a fake and toxic friend, it comes as a rude shock and one would take some time to get over it. Deep down, if you are an emotional person then you will find yourself losing sleep over it.
Here’s what I do to remove toxic and fake friends from my life:
- I confront the person and try to find out where I am going wrong
- I give the person a fair chance to explain themselves
- I introspect and see if I am at fault – if yes, then I apologize
- I give the friend at least 3 chances before removing them from my life
- I think a lot, weigh all the pros and cons
- Before I take the ultimate step, I ask myself: ‘what is the contribution of this friend in my life?’ if the answer to that has more negatives than positives, it helps me make my decision.
- Finally, before removal, I give myself a break – because any decision taken from the heart always as regret following them
- I then proceed with a complete PURGE – block on WhatsApp, social media and all platforms
- Yes, I keep a tiny window open for a while – I don’t block their telephone numbers – this channel is open for a while, but after sometime, this too closes.
The real drama begins after you remove the toxic friend from your life
So, you took the difficult step of removing a toxic person from your life. However, the story doesn’t end there. Remember, the toxic person is driven by insecurities and you will be shocked and surprised at the level to which they will stoop to prove their point. Be ready for accusations, blame game,s and name-calling.
Here’s where the strength of your character comes into play.
Will you give in to their manipulation and take part in the dance of negativity or will you quietly bow out of the situation with your head held high?
I choose the latter. It’s a tougher choice, but in the long run, it helps.
Happy Friendship Day to all my readers. I hope this blog post helps you deal with toxic and fake friends. Do write to me.
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