how to deal with toxic friendships

Toxic friends: how to spot & remove them from your life?

Yes, I am back with one more topic that people usually brush under the carpet. But that is what DiaryOfAnInsaneWriter is about – addressing issues that make others uncomfortable. The fact remains that such issues need to be addressed. Here are some ways on how you can spot toxic friends and remove them from your life.

Who is a toxic friend?

A toxic friend is one who will behave as though they are your best friend and then conveniently stab you in the back. Toxic people inject themselves into your life in a way that you will never notice. Slowly they poison you and before you know it, you are left feeling negative, hurt, and sad.

You may wonder why I keep using the word friend along with the term ‘toxic’. Well, this category of people professes their love, adulation, and friendship at every opportunity they get.

If your thoughts are centered on how to deal with toxic friendships and how to deal with toxic friends. This blog post will help you.

how to deal with toxic friendships

How to tell if a friend is toxic?

They will manipulate every situation and every person around you to believe that you are besties. Their specialty lies in the fact that they can create a huge wall around you so that other people cannot reach you.

They will spread lies and stories about you, stuff which you will realize much later and regret having that person in your life.

They will believe any lies spread by others about you and even take part in the charade willingly.

Most importantly, a toxic friend will always maintain a sweet front face and never ever confront you.

When their farce is out in the public, be ready for cold vibes from them and a blame game.

Don’t be surprised if they push their negative feelings on you and make it sound as if it’s your fault.

Toxic friends are driven by deep insecurity and scathing jealousy

On the face, a toxic friend will always appreciate your success and milestones. But secretly, they loathe you for your success and goodwill. This scathing jealousy teams up with their own deep insecurities and creates a dangerous mocktail of toxicity in their brains. As a result, you will see yourself entangled in a web where you are the accused and victim. The only difference will be that everyone will see you as an accused only. No one will see you as a victim.

Just as a plant thrives with proper air, water, and soil, a toxic person feeds their insecurities with gossip, politics, and negativity. The chaos allows them to breathe and blossom. In fact, if you take this away from them, you will rob them of their very purpose in life. Their existence is threatened if you confront them or even threaten to expose their lies.

How to remove a toxic person from your life?

How we wish the Ctrl+Alt+Del button existed in real life too so that one could remove a toxic person from their life and forget about that person’s existence. But the fact of the matter is, its tough to throw out a person from your life completely.

When you realize a person has been a fake and toxic friend, it comes as a rude shock and one would take some time to get over it. Deep down, if you are an emotional person then you will find yourself losing sleep over it.

what is toxic friendship

Here’s what I do to remove toxic and fake friends from my life:

  • I confront the person and try to find out where I am going wrong
  • I give the person a fair chance to explain themselves
  • I introspect and see if I am at fault – if yes, then I apologize
  • I give the friend at least 3 chances before removing them from my life
  • I think a lot, weigh all the pros and cons
  • Before I take the ultimate step, I ask myself: ‘what is the contribution of this friend in my life?’ if the answer to that has more negatives than positives, it helps me make my decision.
  • Finally, before removal, I give myself a break – because any decision taken from the heart always as regret following them
  • I then proceed with a complete PURGE – block on WhatsApp, social media and all platforms
  • Yes, I keep a tiny window open for a while – I don’t block their telephone numbers – this channel is open for a while, but after sometime, this too closes.

The real drama begins after you remove the toxic friend from your life

So, you took the difficult step of removing a toxic person from your life. However, the story doesn’t end there. Remember, the toxic person is driven by insecurities and you will be shocked and surprised at the level to which they will stoop to prove their point. Be ready for accusations, blame game,s and name-calling.

Here’s where the strength of your character comes into play.

Will you give in to their manipulation and take part in the dance of negativity or will you quietly bow out of the situation with your head held high?

I choose the latter. It’s a tougher choice, but in the long run, it helps.

Happy Friendship Day to all my readers. I hope this blog post helps you deal with toxic and fake friends. Do write to me.

Penned by:

Mayura Amarkant

©MayuraAmarkant. This article is the property of DiaryOfAnInsaneWriter. Any unauthorized use or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Mayura Amarkant (DiaryOfAnInsaneWriter). With the right and specific direction to the original content.

This blog post is part of the blog challenge ‘Blogaberry Dazzle’ hosted by Cindy D’Silva and Noor Anand Chawla and sponsored by Bakez by Daizy.

29 comments

  1. What you are spoken communication is totally true. i do know that everyone should say a similar factor, however I simply assume that you simply place it in an exceedingly method that everybody will perceive. i am positive you may reach such a lot of folks with what you’ve to mention.

  2. This article is so relatable, I am 1 of those who doesn’t understand all these and fall in the trap. I can be careful now onwards, thank you 🙂

  3. Toxic people are always there in your life. It should be the process of our lifestyle to remove them for the sake of mental peace. Well written post and you have touched everyone’s sensitive part of life.

  4. Wow you are a lot more patient than I am! I think I put up with a lot more toxicity in relationships in my younger days – now I really don’t have the time. You upset or attempt to sabotage me – you’re out of my life!

  5. A very honest post. Most people continue with toxic relationships because they don’t want to hurt the other person. That is of no use if one is not comfortable.

  6. I think firstly identifying a toxic friend is not an easy thing and secondly removing them from your life is even more difficult. You written this article so beautifully. It’s definitely going to help someone who is looking for a way to handle such friends.

  7. Toxic friends, toxic family all should be removed from around you unless you are used to the toxicity and unable to get out of it anymore. Very well written!

  8. Mayura, you pen down accurate points about toxic friend. I have many😐 but I still don’t understand why this people behave like this. When I came to know I simply delete them from every social media n my life too.

  9. I love how you tackle topics most brush under the carpet. You are so right. The real drama begins after you remove the toxic friend from your life. gah!

  10. I had some such so called friends during my school days , thankfully they are out of my life now and now I am extra careful in making friends 🙂
    #Blogaberrydazzle

  11. I know that toxic people are everywhere but when the so-called friend ruins the happiness of your life, it hurts a lot! The need to eject such a person from your life is quite essential. Thanks for writing on and remaining me of this urgency.

  12. Thanks for this article Mayura. You know sometimes we know the toxic friends but can’t remove them as they are always backbiter. I guess avoiding them is the best solution if we do not cut these negative people completely.

  13. Walking away from toxicity is the hest option to be happy. During my college days, I had to confront such friends. So, I know how much painful it can be. Yes, I agree with you that out of jealousy and insecurity they behave this way. I did just what you’ve written as the second option.

  14. I have not had the misfortune to have a toxic friend, but then I don’t have too many IRL friends. I agree with your assessment of the situation – give the person a chance to explain and if they can’t or won’t, remove them from your life.

    We shouldn’t keep ourselves open to hurt, especially when other people take advantage of our willingness to forgive and forget.

    Have you had a toxic friend turn a new leaf and return to your circle?

  15. Glad you wrote this, Mayura. Such a brutally honest post that is a must read. I have been ruthlessly pruning my friend list all through the lockdown and I couldn’t be happier! I like your point of giving yourself a break before removal, it is right to use the mind, rather than the heart, for such decisions.

  16. Vanita ..
    God bless you Mayura. .. beautifully written n so real. Loved it. ,💞

    1. iam very vary about opening up to new friends. even with that i have had the misfortune to come across a couple of them in recent years. but once i knew of the lies & the stories painting me as a villain i confronted her and then stopped talking after she told me i was the bad one. Yes it hurt badly for some time as i had truly come to care for her. But iam glad i have moved on now.

    2. I think firstly identifying a toxic friend is not an easy thing and secondly removing them from your life is even more difficult. You written this article so beautifully. It’s definitely going to help someone who is looking for a way to handle such friends.

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