State and Fate of Home-makers in India – International Literacy Day

This is not a male bashing post or a rant about the state of women in India.

There are two Indias, one where we speak of modern thought, path-breaking findings in Artificial Intelligence & technology, the emancipation of women, freedom from dogma & even legalising of homosexual relations.

Deep inside every Indian home, there is another India, one that is never spoken about by the media & if it is, then it is eulogised to make it palatable. It’s an India where housewives (home-makers) are treated like third-world citizens.

It’s an India where women and men are placed in stereotypical moulds. Adherence to those moulds earns faith, trust & praise in the family.

This hidden India is a place where men make statements like,

“This is a woman’s job, so let her do it.”

“Do I bring my work stress home? Then why do I need to bother about how you run the home?

“What do you know about the world of work & business? You are relaxing at home all day.”

“Why do you need to spend money on looking good? You are at home anyways.”

“Look at XYZ, she is a working woman, balancing home, work, family & kids at the same time. You complain all the time, don’t you have anything better to do?”

“You are too dumb to understand.”

“Why do you need a full-time maid, you are at home all the time, learn to use it wisely instead of splurging money all the time.”

“This is a ladies matter, please don’t discuss it with me.”

This is the India where some men don’t even bother to speak up. Their actions say it all:

Enter the home, looking down at the mobile, park on the sofa & continue their romance with the phone.

Not look up or maintain eye contact when the wife is speaking.

When the child approaches, the lookup for a brief moment, smile, ruffle the child’s hair & go back to the mobile.

Send friend requests to their wife’s friends & stalk them on Facebook & WhatsApp status.

Stare at women in the mall, at weddings & parties.

Nod their head at work in front of their woman boss, come home & rape their wives at night.

On holidays, expect a full course meal & don’t bother to even pick up their plate.

No! This isn’t a post about Feminism or liberation of women.

What you read above takes place every single day in many upper-middle-class homes in Mumbai – the city of dreams. Public perception of Mumbai is that of a modern city, a melting pot of cultures. However, this is a dark side of Mumbai that I wish to bring to light through my post.

As a man, how can you help?

If you are a man, and reading this post, then you can take a pause and accept this reality. Behave like a literate human being and ignite the compassion towards the lady of your home. Take time off from your mobile phone & spend a few moments with her. Your love and understanding are all she wants. Reverse roles, how would you feel if you were ignored and undervalued for everything you did? Surely, situations at work may force you to believe that your wife/mother is the object on whom you can target your hidden rage.  However, if you confide in her, maybe you will be able to see light in every situation and emerge a winner. The question remains: will your male ego allow it?

As a woman, how can you help?

If you are a woman and have been nodding your head at everything written here, then now is a good time to introspect. How is your behaviour contributing to the neglect of your spouse? Do you bother about your own upkeep or have you given in to fate and look unkempt as ever? Do you take time out to understand what your man is going through when he returns from work? Are you demanding, irritable & seeking attention/appreciation all the time? The most important question is: Do you want to take steps to make the situation change?

I hope to catalyse a stream of thoughts & a mindset change through this post. Do leave your observations and comments. I would love to know what you think.

Penned by:

Mayura Amarkant

I am taking my Alexa Rank to the next level with Blogchatter’s #MyFriendAlexa Campaign.

15 thoughts on “State and Fate of Home-makers in India – International Literacy Day

  1. Indeed a bold post ! Wife and husband need to discuss how to spend family time, relax, keep a positive attitude, take interest and share thoughts and experiences with each other.

    Each family member needs to contribute to home chores. Women need to have a life outside the home, feel appreciated. Cultivate interests.
    Both need a break from routine work. Plan something fun for the family often!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Totally agree with your points and I have heard most of these things as I work from home. I’ve written about these on my blog too, but people in India still don’t understand the concept of homemakers.

    Like

  3. Very strong post. Times changed, still some thoughts remain the same. But here men and women both need to change.

    A good home maker is one who divides the chores among family members. Sometimes men don’t understand that their help is needed, but at the same time if we tell them they will be ready to share chores.

    Men, need to observe. Sometimes just a word of appreciation can do wonders in relationship. It is not always necessary to share house chores, but if someone is doing things for you learn to appreciate it. Also the woman should appreciate what he is bringing in for the house.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Luckily, my hubby helps in homely chores and thankfully, I cannot relate to any of the points – but I can imagine the plight in other households – fundamental thinking has to change…

    Like

  5. So wonderfully articulated Mayura and with such profound thoughts.

    It is highly stimulating…indeed this is exactly the inside story and we avoid, we ignore or most of the time we casually postpone in debating this very sensitive subject. We are crafty managers and we have sugar coated the art of storytelling. We have been facing the divide between the poor and rich, between the digital and non-digital but at a very fundamental level the gender divide is at the epicenter of many problems faced by our society. And the treatment that is meted out by the man for the woman is inexplicably obnoxious. At the same time I must admit that woman also need to take a step forward.

    Once we take the glamour, the glitz, the disguised development, the promoted progress in our society, the mist disappears and we can clearly see the acts behind the scenes and these are not at all signs and signals of good omen. Mumbai and Bollywood has different untold stories and that remains distorted, and never gets talked beyond a point in the main stream medias.

    You have so nicely captured those questions and the dialogues that happens between the husband and wife and it is just that we get conditioned into that frame of questioning and style of working, and we invariably forget to pause and reflect what is that we get at the end of the work and the quality of engagement that we need to have within the family.
    Great to think alike and in one of my earlier post “WOW-MAN: M-power to make a Difference” I had dealt with this topic and glad that we can exchange thoughts and take the conversation forward for a better cause and greater good of our society.
    Pleasure landing here and reading such a thought provoking topic.
    😀

    Like

    1. Thank you so much Nihar, it means a lot! I really wish more writers like you and me create a mind-shift and bring in a new thought process. One of balance, neutrality and equality that would lead to a peaceful, happier and healthier society. Thank you for stopping by 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Mayura, it was great to connect with you and this is what exactly we look at such wonderful platform like this, it brings us in meaningful collaboration. Bringing equanimity in our engagement and equilibrium in our discourse can make a huge difference in the way we think and work for building a better society.
        Pleasure to exchanging ideas with you.
        Have a lovely week ahead.
        😀

        Like

  6. I cannot agree more. I have been there as an example with few such thoughts until I started traveling outside India. And I believe that most are due to how one’s mother bring up. My mother never allowed me into the kitchen even to drop my plate after eating. For its all for my sisters and her job.
    I am not blaming my mother, but that’s the environment they were bought up to. So, if this can be changed, then it is only possible by ONE person on earth. Mother. You are the first & most important teacher a kid can have.

    Note: No, this is not to wipe the responsibility of dads, but to make an impact on how important the mother is. For me, she is and she always is.

    Liked by 2 people

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